Monday, March 7, 2011

That's it, then (warning: sad post)

My sweet little man.

He's impossible to read, because his motor is always going. You can tell when he's really happy, because then he drools!

Today, Hanzo came with me to work. He first had to endure a day of barking. The Shepard we have in the kennel (she was surrendered due to some knee/hip issues due to some 'questionable breeding practices') barks A LOT! And it's loud, and there are no doors between the kennel runs and the cages in the wards. So, all the other animals just have to deal with the noise. And cats don't particularly like it. My Hanzo was a trooper, though, he just deals with it, like he does with everything else.
So, once Lauren was finished with her surgeries this morning, poor Hanzo had to go through more needles and ultrasounds and blood draws. The ultrasound showed that he had some fluid building up around his liver or kidneys (I can't remember which). The lump on his leg was getting bigger, the lump on his side was twice the size, and when I weighed him this morning, he was 2 pounds lighter...this is all after about 2-2.5 weeks. Considering he only weighed 10 pounds to start, that's a serious loss.
After everything, we put him away, and waited for the results. About 20 minutes later, Lauren came to me with the news. Both of the lumps were cancerous. The fluid around his organs would be manageable, but the cancer is growing fast, so fluid was the least of his worries. She gave me pain meds and some fluids to keep him comfortable until we make our 'final decision'. Eventually, he will not be able to walk because of the thing on his leg, but until then, if we manage his pain, we can keep him around until we're ready.
I don't want to draw this out too long. I went home for lunch today, and told them I wouldn't be back. Of course, they all told me I could go home as soon as I found out. Once I got him ready to go home, I knew I'd be a wreck the rest of the day.
It's his constant purring and snuggling that is making this just about the hardest decision I have ever had to make.
Today...I am very sad.


  1. I got your postcard in the mail and i just laughed and laughed and laughed.

    Failed Pinhole. :)

  2. Oh, I'm glad you enjoyed it!! I really want it to be spring!! :)

  3. Oh, jen. My heart aches for all of you. I'm sobbing just writing this comment. Hanzo is definitely one of the greatest cats I've ever known; and I'm a cat person! Whatever your decision, I'm certain it will be in his best interests. Snuggle him a bit for me, please?

  4. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

  5. Thanks, ladies! We're gonna see how the week goes with the pain meds and fluids. If he still won't eat, I'll just hand feed him. He hasnt' gotten out of bed since I brought him home yesterday afternoon, though. We're making our plans. it is very sad and i can't remember the last time i was this emotional.

  6. I am so sorry jen. I know how hard this can be, Renee and I sobbed for so long when we had to put poor Gilbert down and then we burred him ourselves in the little orchard at the Mashpee house. It was so hard to lay him to rest, but if you can plant a memorial plant or tree to remember him by, it will make it easier in the end, as you will be reminded of him by enjoying new life.
    Feel better.