I love having days off from work. I am finding it harder and harder to get my a** out of bed at 4:30 on the mornings I work. My 'professional' life has always been a string of jobs that I keep until I get bored and need a change (usually I can go a year or so before I need to change things up). I have a degree in Accounting that I got just as everything was changing over to computer-based accounting, so everything I learned is out of date and useless in today's field. Not that accounting software is hard to learn, but after 2 years of school, I had exhausted my interest in the subject. So now I flit from retail to food service, basically, year to year. I have been at my present job for a year and a half, but it's just not logical to leave a job in today's economy, until you have something else lined up. Which I don't. And that's partly because I have been less than motivated to get out there and look for something. My days off have been spent...well, doing everything except what they were meant for.
I recently cut back to 4 days of work so that I could tolerate my job enough to stay. It's working for the most part, but now I really want to not work (well, 'GO' to work...I'm not completely lazy, I just get tired of the 'having to be somewhere' day-to-day). The problem has been managing my time on my days off. I get up super early everyday anyway, but hubby is in bed til 9 most days. So I bide my time in the morning, trying not to wake him, until he gets up and we go for coffee and a walk to the beach. By the time we get home, I am ready to do nothing for the rest of the day. And having the same days off leads to me getting nothing done on these days. HOWEVER, hubby has a new little venture he is trying out, which has him out of the house on Wednesdays, now. So here's the real test...will I actually use my time wisely today? I have not made one new thing in months! (Well, aside from a batch of pretty blue paper I made last weekend...maybe I'll do something with that today?)
It has been nice heading over to my sister's place to play Rock Band, but now that hubby is working more, I am starting to feel guilty that I am using my days to play. (Even though that is silly and he doesn't care.) I guess I just need to find some inspiration or decide if creating is really something I still want to do with my free time? I do love making stuff, but I wonder if my history with jobs and my trying to make money at my crafting are converging and making my craft 'unfun'?
There has been a strange shift in my life where everyday I feel like I want to do more. Cook more, clean more, create more, learn more...but then I think about the time one has in a day and realize I could never do all the things I want to do AND still remain sane and happy because I will always be 'chasing my own tail' and never have time to just sit and relax. Will having every waking minute accounted for make me happy? Or will it simply leave me no time to think about what's not making me happy? Maybe I am happy doing what little I do, but feel looked down on because I don't have a 'career' or because sitting quietly in a room is enough for me? I guess that is what makes us humans so complicated...we are all different and we all have different goals and opinions. There's no one answer for everyone...we all must do our own soul-searching.
And so that is what I will continue to do. We shall see what today brings...maybe a fab card for my etsy shop, or maybe I'll decide to sell everything I own and start over? Who knows? All I know is that it's Wednesday, and I have a whole day by myself...the first in months!